File under: Decadent Brunch Recipes That Will Have Friends of Friends of Friends Begging To Spend The Night

On the last Saturday of every month, my friends and I get together for Girls Brunch Club. We either take turns hosting or we meet at a local restaurant, and no matter where we go it’s always one of my favorite days. Good friends + bacon = happy.

When I started planning the menu for this brunch, I realized it was the first one I’ve hosted since I quit eating sugar. That made choosing recipes both harder and easier, because so many of the most delicious brunch treats are heavy on the sweet. But, I stuck to the savory, Googled every combination of the words “bacon” and “brunch recipes,” and I almost cried with relief when I stumbled on this Sweet Potato & Bacon Hash.

This recipe is everything a brunch dish should be: warm, comforting, packed with flavor, and easy to prep in advance. I grated the sweet potatoes and chopped the bacon and onion the night before, leaving me very little to do the morning of the brunch. And also, did I mention that you’re about to cook sweet potatoes in BACON FAT?

Yeah. This recipe is already a new staple in my life. In fact, I think it would make an awesome Thanksgiving side dish, so this is me mentally bookmarking it for November.

Sweet Potato & Bacon Hash

Recipe source: Food Network
Serves 6-8, depending on how much you fucking love bacon

Ingredients
1/2 lb diced bacon
1 cup chopped sweet onion
salt & pepper, to taste
1 tbsp chopped garlic
2 lb sweet potatoes, peeled & grated

Instructions

In a large skillet (seriously, use the largest one you have), cook the bacon until crispy. The original recipe said this would take about 8 minutes, but it took me more like 15-20 minutes. Once the bacon is crispy, add the onions and saute for about 5 minutes until they’re nice and soft. Then, add the garlic and the sweet potatoes and season with salt and pepper, stirring well to make sure everything gets evenly coated with delicious bacon fat. Saute for about 15 minutes, and then remove from the heat and serve immediately.

PS - 2 lb of grated sweet potato is a lot of fucking sweet potato. If you don’t have a gigantic skillet/saute pan (I used a wok), you might find it easier to put the sweet potato in a large bowl, pour the bacon/onion mixture on top, add the garlic, salt, & pepper,  mix well to combine, and then add it back to the skillet in batches and cook it that way. Or, you can use two pans on the stove at the same time. Lots of options!

File under: Raw Desserts For People Who Think Eating Raw Is Total Hippie Bullshit

I wish I had an audio recording of the phone conversation in which I told my mother that I was making raw brownies. She’s all, “What do you mean raw brownies? Are you eating uncooked brownie batter? Are there eggs in it?! Are you going to die of salmonella? DID I TEACH YOU NOTHING AS A CHILD??” And I was like, “No, ma, not raw like that. Raw like, made-from-things-that-don’t-need-to-be-baked-in-the-first-place.” And she’s all, “What kind of gross-ass brownie doesn’t need to be baked??” And I’m like, “We’re not making much progress here, are we?”

Because, see, that’s the thing with raw dessert recipes. Unless you’re used to them, you think they’re totally fucking weird. I mean, hell, even after falling completely in love with these brownies, I still look at things like raw vegan cheesecake (which contains zero amounts of cream cheese) and think, “YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.”

But wait, back to these brownies for a second. No, they aren’t exactly like regular brownies. They’re not cake-y, because, uh, they’re raw, asshole. They’re more fudge-like, actually, and they pack an almost inappropriate nutritional punch. Fiber! Magnesium! Omega-3s! Calcium! The list goes on and on. And did I mention that they’re SO GOOD? Because let’s not get crazy here, that’s what really matters, right?

Raw Brownies

Ever so slightly adapted from: My New Roots: The Raw Brownie

Ingredients
2 cups chopped walnuts
2 ½ cups Medjool dates, pitted (seriously, don’t make my mistake and forget to take the pits out)
1 cup raw cacao powder
1/2 cup raw unsalted almonds, roughly chopped
¼ tsp. sea salt

Instructions

Get out your trusty food processor and add the walnuts, blending until they’re finely ground. Then, add the cacao and salt and pulse a few times to combine. Add the dates one at a time, through the feed tube of the food processor (while it’s running), and wait a few seconds between them, continuing to add them one at a time until you’ve used all the dates. At this point, the mixture should be crumbly, but if you pinch it together in your fingers you’ll see that it holds together.

Next, transfer the mixture into a big bowl and add the chopped almonds, mixing with your hands so they’re evenly distributed. Line a cake pan (I use an 11×7 glass one) with parchment paper, and press the mixture into the pan, flattening it with your palms until it’s evenly spread out. Then, cover the pan and place it in the fridge until you’re ready to cut/serve the brownies.

PS - They’re easiest to cut when they’re cold, but they taste best once they’ve come closer to room temperature. Plan accordingly.

PPS - Admit it, you were a little scared of raw brownies but now that you’ve tasted them you want to lick my face with gratitude, huh?

PPPS - You’re fucking welcome.

File under: WTF Are Chia Seeds And How Do I Eat Them??

A couple of things before we get started here:

1. The book Born to Run by Christopher McDougall completely changed my life. It’s the story of the world’s best distance runners, the Mexican Tarahumara Indians, and I blame credit my final decision to become an endurance athlete to the inspiration & science of this book. The first few chapters are kind of slow, but once you get into the heart of the story, you won’t be able to put it down.

2. Born to Run gave me my first look at chia seeds, the ancient “superfood” used by the Tarahumara to sustain their energy over 100+ miles of running (100+ MILES, YOU GUYS). Since then, I’ve been researching and taste-testing chia seeds, and they’ve become a daily staple in my diet.

3. Super tiny, crunchy, and mild in flavor, chia seeds are easy to add to salads, oatmeal, peanut butter toast, etc., and a little goes a long way. With more omega-3 than salmon, more antioxidants than blueberries, more fiber than bran flakes, more iron than spinach, and plenty of other essential minerals such as potassium and magnesium, it’s no wonder people call it a superfood.

4. When eaten dry, chia seeds are crunchy and, well, seed-like, but when added to liquid, they absorb 9-12 times their volume and create a thick gel. These gelling properties are what allows us to make jam without the usual addition of pectin or other thickeners. Pretty cool, huh?

Blackberry Chia Seed Jam

Ingredients
2 cups fresh blackberries
1 1/2 tbsp chia seeds
1 tsp Stevia Powder (I’m building a diet free from added sugar, so I use Stevia, a natural sweetener, instead)

First, get out your blender or food processor (either one is fine), and add the berries. Then, pulse/blend in short bursts until combined, but not fully liquified, being careful because this will happen very quickly. Next, pour the blended fruit into a container, stir in the chia seeds and Stevia, cover the container with a lid, and let sit overnight in the fridge to thicken.

Uh, that’s it.

I KNOW RIGHT??

PS – Yes, my Amazon links are affiliate links. I’ll happily take my 6 cents whenever I can, yo.

File under: Valentine’s Day Entrees That Won’t Leave You Too Full For Sex*

I know, I know. Next Tuesday is Valentine’s Day and everyone is all, “LOOK AT THESE FROSTED PINK COOKIES AND RED VELVET WHOOPIE PIES.” And I get it, it’s the sugar addict’s dream holiday. But, what if you want something totally different this year? What if, instead of a big steak dinner and decadent chocolate torte dessert that leaves you scrambling to unbutton your pants and collapse on the ground, you want something lighter? Something still rich in flavor and high in fun, but lower in calories, higher in nutrients, and guaranteed not to leave you too full for naughty Valentine’s Day shenanigans.

Well, if that’s the recipe you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place, darling.

Roasted Red Pepper & Tomato Soup with Heart-Shaped Grilled Cheese Croutons

{adapted from recipes by Tyler Florence & Smitten Kitchen}

Ingredients

2 1/2 lbs fresh tomatoes,  (any kind – heirlooms, cherry, vine, plum, etc. – or a mixture)
6 cloves garlic, peeled
1 sweet onion, sliced
2 12-oz jars roasted red peppers, drained & roughly chopped (yes, you can roast your own red peppers, but I’m fucking lazy and the ones in the jar at Trader Joe’s are delicious, so like, leave me alone, okay??)
2 cups stock (chicken or vegetable, preferably low-sodium)
2 tbsp chopped fresh basil
1/4 tsp ground cumin
salt & pepper, to taste

(Oh yeah, and you’ll need your grilled cheese fixins, which really just means your favorite bread, cheese & butter. Of course, you can add other things to your grilled cheese too (LIKE BACON!!), which I totally and completely support.)

First, preheat your oven to 450 degrees. Then, wash, core, and cut the tomatoes into quarters. Coat a large baking sheet with cooking spray, arrange the tomatoes, garlic cloves, and onion slices in an even layer on the baking sheet, and lightly cover them with another quick coat of cooking spray. If you want to toss them in olive oil instead, that’s absolutely fine and will add some good healthy fat to the recipe, but if you’d rather go the lower calorie route, cooking spray will do the trick. Finally, sprinkle everything on the baking sheet with sea salt & freshly cracked pepper, and put it into the oven to roast for 25 minutes.

After roasting, remove the baking sheet from the oven and let it cool for a few minutes. Then, transfer the tomatoes, onions, and garlic to a large stockpot, add the chopped red peppers, stock, basil, and cumin, and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce the heat to simmer and cook for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. After 20 minutes, remove the pot from the heat, let the soup cool for a few minutes, and then puree using an immersion blender or food processor. (PS – I got my first immersion blender as a holiday gift last year, and bahhhh, I now want to puree the shit out of everything because it’s just so FUN.)

But, ahem. Back to our soup…

Once the soup is completely smooth, add salt & pepper to taste, and then leave it out to come to room temperature. When it gets to room temperature, you’ll want to cover the soup and put it in the fridge overnight to let the flavors really come together. You can serve it right away, of course, but it won’t be as good. This is definitely Second Day Soup (or even third/fourth day soup!), and the change in flavor that happens once all of the ingredients have had a chance to really cozy up to each other overnight is definitely worth the wait.

When you are ready to serve the soup, heat it gently on the stove, stirring frequently, and then top with grilled cheese sandwich croutons right before serving. There’s no secret for the croutons, honestly, and whichever kind of bread/cheese you want to use is perfectly fine. If you’re making this for Valentine’s Day, just grab a heart-shaped cookie cutter for the finished grilled cheese sandwich, and carefully place the heart sandwiches in the soup just before bringing it to the table.

And then, of course, if you’re making this for any occasion other than Valentine’s Day, I totally recommend Ninja Cookie Cutters. Roasted Red Pepper & Tomato Soup with Ninja Grilled Cheese Sandwiches?? Yeah, I know, it’s the best thing I’ve ever heard of, too.

YOU’RE WELCOME

*You also won’t be too full for repetitive masturbation, if that’s your Valentine’s Day activity of choice instead. Hey, don’t look at me like that, I’m an equal opportunity Valentine-er over here.

File under: Delicious Snacks You Won’t Believe Are Actually Full Of Healthy Shit

YOU GUYS. I’m in love. Have you ever had a Larabar? Well, these are like homemade Larabars, except they’re honestly even better because they aren’t as chewy and gummy. (PS – WHY ARE LARABARS SO GUMMY??)

I call them “Alt Bars,” because they’re an amazing alternative to all the protein/energy bars that are packed with uber-processed and generally shitty things. With only 4 ingredients and no 20-letter additives that were made in a lab in the middle of nowhere, you can feel good about shoving these in your mouth hole on a regular basis – especially since they take less than 10 minutes to make and are insanely delicious. In fact, maybe I should rename them “DELICIOUS MOUTH HOLE BARS.”

What? THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE!

Peanut Butter & Jelly Alt Bars

Ingredients
1/2 cup peanuts
1/2 cup Medjool dates
1/8 tsp salt
1/4 cup dried cherries

Let me start by saying that you really can’t make these without a food processor. I mean, I’m sure you can, but you don’t want to.

So, step one: cut the Medjool dates in half and remove the pits. Then, put the peanuts, pitted dates, and salt into the food processor and pulse together for about a minute. Add the dried cherries, pulse for another 20-30 seconds, and then dump the entire mixture out on a piece of parchment paper. Using your hands, shape them into bars (little ones, big ones, medium ones, heart shaped ones – whatever you want!) keeping in mind that when you press/squeeze the mixture, it’ll come together and take shape.

That’s it. No, seriously, THAT’S IT.

Store the finished bars (or hearts!) in a sealed container in the fridge, but let them come to room temperature a bit before serving.

File under: New Year’s Resolution Recipes That Won’t Make You Want To Sneak Off To McDonald’s At Midnight And Eat French Fries In The Dark

I’m just going to come out and say it: kale is pretty fucking trendy these days. Everywhere you look it’s all, “kale smoothies!” and “kale salads!” and “kale chips!” But guess what? I don’t care. I’m a sheep. Everyone else is eating kale and I’m eating kale and now you’re going to eat kale, too.

::steps off weird vegetable-y soapbox::

Seriously though, these chips are gooooood. Crispy, salty, and a hell of a lot healthier than potato chips. But hey, before you start yelling at me, no, I’m not saying these are a direct substitute for potato chips because a potato chip is a potato chip and this is fucking kale, and anyone who tells you that “They’re, like, almost exactly the same thing!” is a dirty dirty liar. So no, these aren’t the same as potato chips, but they’re delicious in their own way.

And they’re healthy! Kale is a great source of important shit like vitamin K (good for your bones!) and beta carotene (good for your immune system!), and it’s also been shown to help protect against cancer.

Dude, you’re welcome.

Baked Garlic & Parmesan Kale Chips

Ingredients
1 bunch of kale; about 6oz
2 tsp olive oil
1 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp garlic powder
2 tablespoons shaved or grated Parmesan cheese

First, you want to make sure that you’ve washed and dried the kale. Washing it is important so that you’re not eating dirt, and drying it is important because wet kale won’t become kale chips in the oven, it’ll become, well, steamed kale. You can use a salad spinner to dry the kale, or you can use paper towels, or you can let it air dry. Whatever you do, just make sure it’s as dry as possible before getting started.

Next! Preheat the oven to 300 degrees. Then, chop the kale into nice bite size pieces, keeping in mind that it’ll shrink when it bakes because of the water content. When you’re chopping, feel free to remove some of the tougher and stem-ier pieces; the leaves are really the best part for chip-making.

In a large bowl, toss the chopped kale leaves with the olive oil, sea salt, and garlic powder, and then spread in an even single layer on a parchment-lined baking sheet (you might need two baking sheets, depending on size). Bake for about 20 minutes, until crisp but not browned, and then remove the baking sheet from the oven and let it cool slightly on a wire rack. After a few minutes, sprinkle the Parmesan cheese over the kale chips and serve immediately. These can be served at room temperature too, but I like them better straight out of the oven.

PS – If you somehow manage not to eat all of these at once (ha, good luck), I should tell you that they don’t save very well in a Ziplock bag. Kale chips + Ziplock bag = soggy. And no one wants that.

PPS – The best thing about these kale chips is that you can really flavor them however you want. Do you like red pepper flakes? Use red pepper flakes. In the mood for something sweet? Try 2 tsp olive oil, 1 tbsp maple syrup, and 1/2 tsp cinnamon. Endless possibilities here, people!!

File under: “We Know, We Know, The Diet Starts Tomorrow”

It’s January. It’s New Year’s Resolution time. Well, guess what? These are about as far as you can get from any New Year’s Resolution unless said resolution is to “eat more butter and more marshmallows and more chocolate.”

Wait, that’s not your resolution? Oh well, SORRY I’M NOT SORRY.

Look, I get it, you want all the healthy recipes. So do I. And I promise, they’re coming. Later this week we’ll be talking about kale, and then next week we’ll be making homemade Larabar-esque treats. But not yet. No, first we have something to take care of, and that something is S’mores Popcorn Balls.

But hey, before you yell at me, let me share the wise words of Andrea, our lovely GTIYM photographer: “POPCORN IS A WHOLE GRAIN!”

**

S’mores Popcorn Balls

Original recipe: Heat Oven to 350

Ingredients
10 cups plain popped popcorn
2 cups chopped graham crackers
1 cup chocolate chips
16 oz bag regular-sized marshmallows
4 tbsp unsalted butter
1 tsp vanilla
2 oz melting/candy chocolate (I find this easier for melting & drizzling, but regular chocolate works too!)
pinch of salt

Take a large roasting pan (seriously, the largest one you have) and coat it with cooking spray. Then, toss the popcorn, graham cracker pieces, and chocolate chips together in the pan and set aside.

In a large pot over medium heat, melt the butter, marshmallows, and salt together and stir until smooth. Once it’s melted, remove it from the heat, stir in the vanilla, and then pour it over the popcorn in the roasting pan. Stir it all together so that the popcorn is as evenly coated as possible, and then set aside until it’s cool enough to handle without burning your little fingertips with super hot marshmallow sauce. This happens pretty quickly though, so don’t leave them for too long!

Once the popcorn mixture is cool enough to touch, coat your hands with cooking spray or butter, shape it into balls, and place the balls on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Don’t worry too much about the size of your balls – I promise, there’s no magic ball size (TWSS?), so just make them however big you like!

After the popcorn balls have cooled completely, melt the remaining 2 oz of chocolate and drizzle it evenly over the balls. Let them sit at room temperature (or in the fridge) until the chocolate has set, after which they’re officially ready for mouth-shoveling.

Yes, mouth-shoveling.

Shhhh.

File under: “Holiday Treats That Are Delicious Enough For People to Overlook The Fact That You Didn’t Buy Them A Real Gift”

If you’re one of those people who’s weird about eating gratuitous amounts of butter, I’d like to offer you the following advice in regard to this recipe:

ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

Still here? Fantastic. Let’s bake some of the softest, most melt-in-your-mouth-ilicious shortbread in the entire mother buttering world. Then, lets top it with cinnamon and sugar and do that thing where we pretend we’re just going to have one little piece but somehow (oopsie!) wind up eating the entire pan.

Snickerdoodle Shortbread

Original recipe: Culinary Concoctions by Peabody

Ingredients
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon cinnamon

1 1/2 cups butter, softened (Yep, that’s 3 sticks of butter. HI, PAULA DEEN!)
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup cake flour
1 tablespoon cream of tartar
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 teaspoon salt

Preheat the oven to 350 and grease a 9×13 pan with butter. In a bowl, combine the first 3/4 cup granulated sugar with the tablespoon of cinnamon until you have an even mixture. Then, spread half the mixture on the bottom and sides of the pan and set the second half of the mixture aside for later.

In a large bowl, cream together the butter, the second 3/4 cup granulated sugar, and the powdered sugar until light and fluffy.

PS - This is SO MUCH EASIER if you actually let the butter come to room temperature first, so… do that.
PPS - Once you take the butter out of the fridge, unwrap it and cut it into small pieces. Leaving it out on the counter in small pieces helps it come to room temperature much faster than when the stick of butter is whole.
PPPS – You’re welcome.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the butter and sugar. Well, once you’ve combined those ingredients together, add the vanilla and mix again. Then, in a separate bowl, sift the flours, cream of tartar, nutmeg, and salt together (if you don’t have a sifter, just whisk it all together for a minute or so), and then add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients. Stir them just until the dough has come together, and then transfer the dough to the prepared pan.

Spread the dough out evenly in the pan, patting it down with your hand to get it to a level thickness, and then sprinkle the remaining cinnamon and sugar mixture over the top of the dough. Finally, poke the dough with a fork in 4-6 places to help it rise evenly, put it on the center rack of the pre-heated oven, and bake for about 25 minutes.

Once it’s out of the oven, let the pan cool on a wire rack for about 10-15 minutes and then cut the shortbread into squares with a knife or into shapes using a cookie cutter while it’s still warm. Serve warm or at room temperature, and try to avoid huddling over the cookies while drooling and creepily whispering, “Mine mine mine mine mine.”

No one likes a creepy cookie whisperer, man.

File under: “Holiday Treats That Are Delicious Enough For People to Overlook The Fact That You Didn’t Buy Them A Real Gift”

Before we get started with all the truffle-ing, let me just clear the air by assuring you that if you make a batch of these to give as a gift and then “accidentally” wind up gifting the entire batch to yourself, I don’t judge you. See also: BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

Phew, okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk truffles!

Truffles are the sexiest dessert, aren’t they? There’s just something so magical and perfect about a bite-size treat of pure chocolate, and yet truffles seem to get a bad rap for being complicated and fussy. But they’re not! You can do this!

{insert inspirational & chocolate-covered pep talk here}

Listen, I’m not going to tell you that truffles are the perfect 5-minute treat, because they’re definitely time-consuming little things, but they’re not hard. Seriously, you’ve got this. And it’s a good thing too, because they’re delicious, festive, and impressive – and isn’t that the homemade holiday treat trifecta right there?

**

Dark Chocolate & Candy Cane Truffles

Original recipe: Robert Linxe’s Chocolate Truffles

Ingredients
11 ounces of high-quality dark chocolate (about 60% cacao)
2/3 cup heavy cream
2 cups finely crushed candy canes

Yield: About 20-25 truffles (The original recipe says you get about 60 truffles, but unless they mean tiny elf truffles, they’re crazy. Also, they warn against doubling the recipe, which I’ve never tried myself but probably agree with.)

First, crush the candy canes. It’s easiest to use a food processor for this, but it’s definitely more fun to just smash the shit out of them in a sealed plastic bag. Emphasis on “sealed.” Once the candy canes are crushed, set them aside for later.

Then, finely chop 8 ounces of the chocolate and put it into a bowl. Don’t be lazy here, big pieces of chocolate won’t melt as evenly, so get chopping. Next, bring the heavy cream to a boil in a small saucepan over medium heat, stirring often to make sure it doesn’t burn on the bottom of the pan.

Once the cream is boiling, pour it directly over the chocolate and let it sit for about 30 seconds. Then, with either a rubber spatula or a whisk, stir the mixture in a careful, circular motion, starting from the center and working your way out to the edges. Don’t go too fast or too hard (TWSS?), otherwise you’ll get way too much air into the mixture and it won’t turn out as well.

When the ganache is smooth (that’s what you’re making here, by the way, ganache), you’ll want to let it stand at room temperature for a few minutes before putting it in the fridge until it’s thick enough to hold it’s shape, about one hour. After your beautiful dark chocolate has solidified, grab a melon baller, a tiny ice cream scoop, or a small spoon and scoop little balls out onto a parchment-lined baking sheet, rolling them in your hands first if you want them to be rounder in shape.

After you’ve scooped and rolled all of the truffles, put the baking sheet into the freezer for about 15 minutes (or until the truffles are firm). In the meantime, melt the remaining 3 ounces of chocolate in a double-boiler or a microwave until smooth. Then, once the chocolate is melted, smear a little bit of it on your gloved hand (if you don’t have plastic gloves, just put your hand in a Ziplock bag – that’s what I do), and gently rub each truffle to coat it lightly with the melted chocolate before tossing it in the crushed candy cane with a fork. Using a fork makes it easiest to coat the truffles without squishing them, and it also helps you shake off excess candy cane.

When you’re done, you should store the truffles in the fridge, but they’re best served at room temperature so make sure you take them out a little while before you plan to eat them so they can warm up.

Tips & Notes
- You’re going to get messy when you make this recipe. There’s really no way around it, so stop being a baby and just get on with it.
- My favorite brand of chocolate to use when making truffles is Valrhona, but it’s definitely expensive. Really though, if you’re making truffles for someone that isn’t worth the cost of the chocolate, you probably shouldn’t be making truffles for them in the first place.
- If for some reason you can’t find (or just don’t want to deal with finding) Valrhona, I also like Callebaut and Scharffen Berger. Ghirardelli works too. Whatever you choose, just make sure you’re using high quality chocolate, otherwise your truffles won’t be nearly as good.
- It’s ridiculous how many flavor variations can be made with this recipe. If you don’t like candy canes (whaaaat??) don’t use candy canes. Use cocoa powder instead. Or cocoa powder & sea salt! Or chopped hazelnuts! Or toasted coconut! Or try infusing the hot cream with tea. Or add fresh orange zest or your favorite liqueur to the chocolate and cream mixture before it cools! Basically, anything you can think of, you can do to a truffle. Except that. Tsk tsk.

Guess what? I’m about to be your hero. Modest, huh??

But wait, listen up for a second. This Recipe Collection gives you the three easiest bread recipes in the galaxy. Maybe even the three easiest bread recipes in the history of galaxies because there’s no way the alien people in a galaxy far far away can beat what we’ve done here: three bread recipes, no yeast, no bread maker, and each totally delicious.

But hey, there’s more! I’ve found a way to combine your favorite things into a single Recipe Collection: beer, bacon, and Nutella. If those aren’t your favorite things, I’m sorry, and I still love you, but what are you doing here again? BEER, BACON, NUTELLA. I’m pretty sure that shit’s the formula for world peace right there.

Oh, what’s that? You want me to break it down a little more for you and give you a teaser of each of these three freshly baked loaves? Done and done.

First up we have Bacon & Cheddar Bread, which is a soft white bread with swirls of extra sharp cheddar and a crisp, salty, and streusel-ey bacon topping. Whaaaaat? I know. Perfect for winter.

Next, we have a Honey Wheat Beer Bread that allows you a huge range of flexibility with the flavor, because whichever type of beer you use really determines how the bread will taste. Each loaf of this dense man-bread (heeeey gender stereotypes!) uses 12oz of beer, which means it’s basically the main ingredient. What I’m saying here is that you get the flavor of beer without the hangover, which makes this kind of like non-alcoholic beer only SO MUCH BETTER because you can’t slather non-alcoholic beer with warm butter before shoving it in your greedy little mouth.

And then lastly, of course, we have the Nutella Banana Bread. I could go on and on about this bread, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have to do anything other than shout NUTELLA BANANA NUTELLA BANANA at you a bunch of times for you to get the idea.

So yeah, click the link below to buy this delicious Recipe Collection and then clear your schedule and bake all three types of bread ASAP. Then, send me pictures of the bread and of you eating the bread and of you happy as fuck after you’ve eaten all the bread.

CARBOHYDRATE FILLED PHOTO MONTAGE IS WHERE IT’S AT, PEOPLE.

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