Now that we’ve covered food and sex, it’s time to talk about food and family. Or, more importantly, food and mothers.
Maybe your mother can’t cook at all (ahem, HI MOM!), in which case these recipes won’t just impress her, they’ll secure your position as the only child in the will. Or maybe your mother is an incredible cook and you’re thinking, “Dude, my mama’s got this, I could never impress her,” but if you’re thinking that, you’re wrong. These three recipes are simple enough to get right on the first try and delicious enough that she won’t know what happened to her share of all the family culinary glory.
(Oh, you weren’t aware that we’re always in a silent battle with our mothers for culinary glory? Well, welcome to the ring, kiddos. Grab a whisk and apron-up.)
My goal in creating this Recipe Collection was to give you three dishes that you can really depend on, because trying to impress your mother with a home-cooked meal isn’t the time to throw a bunch of random shit on the stove and cross your fingers that it’s edible. More than anything, though, I wanted these to be meals you’d look forward to making, not just because of the raging ego boost that accompanies a chorus of approving yummy noises, but also because you love them yourself.
The first recipe in this Collection is for Balsamic & Dijon Filet of Beef, which might qualify as the word’s quickest and easiest way to impress your mother. I say this with many nights of experience, because my mother is fucking obsessed with this dish. I made it for Christmas dinner a few years back and it was the best/worst decision of my life. Best because everyone was crying tears of joy over it. Worst because now I can’t convince her to try anything else whenever I come home, no matter what. But the most incredible part? It’s so easy. Basically, all you’re doing in this recipe is mixing up a very simple marinade and spreading it over a chunk of beef before shoving it in the oven. Seriously, that’s it. Mix, spread, shove. Nothing fancy in the preparation, but so much fancy in your mouth.
After the beef comes the Sea Salt & Black Pepper Roast Chicken, and I have to say that this is my favorite recipe in the Collection. But shhhh, don’t tell the others! It’s not that the beef isn’t tender and perfectly seasoned, and it’s not that the Sweet Potato Gnocchi isn’t holy-eff-melt-in-your-mouth delicious, because oh, they are, it’s just that this chicken is the BEST. At only 3-pounds, it’s the cutest, most evenly browned and crispy bird I’ve ever made, with big flakes of sea salt and a soft thyme-infused flavor that I would eat on any day of the year. Yes, even my birthday. This is birthday chicken, people, just put it right there next to my cake.
The final recipe in this Collection, Sweet Potato Gnocchi, takes the longest to make, but let’s not confuse time-consuming with difficult. Just because something takes you a while to do, doesn’t mean you can’t do it. This isn’t a 20-minute meal, but oh, if you want to impress the fuck out of your mother, it’s worth it. This is the meal you turn to when you want to make the subtle yet powerful statement that you know what the fuck is UP in the kitchen. Because I mean, it’s not just that you made homemade gnocchi – you made homemade sweet potato gnocchi – and then you topped it with a Brown Sugar & Sage Butter Sauce that, while it’s cooking, smells like what I imagine God must smell like on a particularly joyous day in heaven.
So, what do you say? Are you ready to impress the shit out of your mother/step mother/mother in law? Just click below and the beautifully-designed PDF of all three recipes (plus a black & white printer friendly version!) will be all yours for just $1.99!
